Friday, November 16, 2018'♥
Tired
So sick and tired of the endless quarrels and disagreements between us. I am trying to remind myself I did this to you, i understand the betrayal and the emotions u are going through, i shouldn't say u all the time, I need to keep my mouth shut and stop picking on you.
But everytime I see sub standards from u, it irks the shit out of me and i need to say something. Some times u want to do the chores, some times u don't. Someone told me its bcox u can dont care when im around, u don't have to do things anymore. But fuck, aren't we in the same house paying the same bills sharing the same things, n these things dont need constant maintenance? U can't just choose what u want to do when u feel like doing it ok? It's perfectly fine if u don't want to do things for me, but the chores are for the house n for LO! Goddamnit be consistent!
I can't stand it when u don't want to talk properly and don't communicate about what's happening with LO. He is still my son. U can't even talk about our son properly anymore? simple things about what medicine u've fed him, how long he's been asleep, how is he, is he going to school, do i need to bring him to sch when ure off, all these things i need to ask??
Im so fucking tired of u not talking, from the day i know u, until now it's gotten worse. I ask myself why do u have to be like that, and then instantly blame myself, oh, ya, because of what i did, u made this person clam up even more. REALLY VIC? Do u even still know this person at all?
This person who has been posting snide remarks on fb questioning my fitness of being a mum. Questioning the woman who bore u a son FOR U. Questioning how i gave up a higher paying job so i could previously come back to be a better wife. Questioning how i let myself be prodded, poked, jabbed, cut open, suffered so much pain that is enough to last me the rest of my life, to GIVE U a son. And what thanks did i get for it btw? Questioning my efforts in feeding, thinking, preparing, cooking so our son could get some nutrition n be stronger. Questioning my ability to care for my son, when i care about nothing more in this world? U are so blind with sarcasm n hatred that u can't see its all bcox of u. I did everyth for u, gave up everyth for u; n now bcox of u i still cant be with someone else. If i could be with that someone else n shaun is at my side, I wouldn't have to leave him in ur care. Whom since u r the father, if i dont leave him in ur care, than who else is fit enough? Be sarcastic all u want , thats the only thing u know. Through all of this i now see how damn immature u are, why did i even give u so much n forget to demand in return.
I'm so sick n tired of all these miscommunication, snide remarks, suspicions n hatred between us. It's making me such an angry person n I hate this version of myself. Sometimes I look at u and i think this was someone I loved with all my heart. Those were the hands I used to hold, the skin I used to touch, the face i used to smell. But now who is this person still trying to stay in the same house n the same bed. This person with different standards that varies according to his moods. Why, why until now u just can't communicate to me properly. I wish i could just get out of this tiresome place.
